Airplane Etiquette: 25 Expert Tips Every Traveler Should Know Before Boarding

When it comes to everyone behaving politely, is there ever a more trying time than taking an airplane flight? For those of us not sipping Champagne and leaning all the way back in first class or business, a ride on a plane means jostling elbows, bruised knees, cramming in carry-ons, and obnoxious seatmates.

So what are the unspoken rules of airplane etiquette, and how can you be a more polite traveler? Here’s what to know before your next flight.

Airplane Etiquette 101: Social Rules for the Sky

Many inflight conflicts arise not from outright rudeness but from mismatched expectations. When you’re crammed into a narrow seat at 35,000 feet, understanding expectations can make everyone’s experience more comfortable.

“Being mentally prepared for special conditions, like being in close quarters like a restaurant or a closed room or an airplane, where the location introduces heightened accountability on your part — you have to be ready to negotiate that,” says Daniel Post Senning, etiquette expert with the Emily Post Institute and etiquette doyenne Emily Post’s great-great grandson.

That’s where etiquette is essential for navigating shared spaces, such as the back row of economy class.

Etiquette should “make [you] feel good and make people around [you] feel good,” Senning says. But playing etiquette judge for everyone else? That’s truly bad etiquette.

Let’s get answers to your plane etiquette questions.

Sharing Space With Other Passengers

Who Gets the Middle Armrest on a Plane?

So you’re flying in economy and either in the middle seat or sharing an armrest with a middle-seater. Who gets the middle armrest?

Generally, using the armrests is the privilege a middle-seater gets for being in the middle seat in economy, widely acknowledged to be the suckiest seats on the plane.

“I like to cede the armrest to the person in the middle seat because they have nowhere else to go,” Senning says.

But if you’re the person in the middle seat and your seatmate in the aisle or window seat is a larger person, you might need to give them space. It’s possible that they can’t help but take the shared armrest because of their physique and through no fault of their own.

“Sometimes it’s about practicality,” Senning says. “I’m 5 foot 8 and 135 pounds dripping wet, and if some people with broad shoulders and 100 pounds on me just physically occupy that space, I’m more likely to cede that space.”

If armrest control does somehow become a point of dispute with a seatmate, elbow tug-of-war is never the best option. Never get physical. Instead, talk it out. “You could ask to share it, swapping every half hour,” he says. Accept that the other person may still say no and that you should take the L instead of escalating a trivial issue to the point where someone (maybe you) could get kicked off the flight.

Who Controls the Plane Shade?

Senning is more definitive about this one.

“The shade belongs to the person at the window,” he says. “That said, you can always ask, keeping in mind you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. An ask that is genuine and kind and acknowledges that the other person is ultimately the one who gets to decide is more likely to get a positive response.”

OK, so the person sitting by the window gets to control the shade in your row. But what about the person in front of you? Can you ask the person in the row before you to lower their shade so you can get some sleep without being disturbed by the light seepage from their window?

“You can ask,” Senning says. “To me, the price of admission is being willing to accept either answer. The person at that seat, that’s their window, their up and down. They paid for that seat for that window. It is up to them. Be willing to hear either yes or no and be a decent person about it.”

Where Does My Leg Space Begin and End on a Plane?

Defined leg space may seem obvious to frequent flyers, but you’d be surprised (or maybe not) how many passengers’ legs seem to wander into a seatmate’s area. Call it manspreading, a legroom invasion, or just plain irritating, it’s no fun when you have to unwillingly play footsie with a stranger for an hour or more.

“You draw the line down the armrest,” Senning says. “That defines the space allocated to the 2 passengers. If someone’s legs or feet are over on your side, I think it’s OK to bring their attention to it.“

As always, the magic words “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” are helpful. Starting with a genuine and self-aware “excuse me” or “pardon me” could also work wonders in this case.

“Opening with ‘Could you not do that?’ or a sarcastic ‘please'” isn’t going to help — it’s how genuine you are that can go a long, long way to getting the reaction you want,” he says.

Who Can Use the Bin Above Your Seat?

Miffed that your Louis Vuitton rollaboard has to spend the next 5 hours 4 rows behind you instead of conveniently in the bin right above your head that’s currently occupied by someone’s college Garfield comforter? Sadly, this is a sacrifice we all have to make to the realities of the economics of contemporary aircraft design.

“First come, first served,” Senning says.

Hot Tip:

Should that rollaboard even be in the cabin with you? Check out our guide to the carry-on allowances of more airlines than you can shake a stick at.

Can You Ask the Person in Front of You Not To Recline?

Getting actual work done on an airplane midflight can be difficult. It’s especially tough trying to work on a laptop balanced precariously on a notebook-sized airplane tray table while the person in front of you keeps reclining and adjusting their seat.

Senning works on a large MacBook Pro while flying, but says the right to recline takes precedence over the right to work from a tray table.

“I think the one time you can ask someone not to recline, if necessary, is during meals,” he says. “Again, you can ask someone nicely, but if someone isn’t amenable to that, you don’t have a lot of standing to escalate.”

A Honeymooning Couple Wants Me To Trade Seats so They Can Be Together. How Do I Say No?

First of all, it’s OK to turn down requests like this. Senning says that what you have to say amounts to: “I appreciate why you’d want to sit together. I’d like to stay in my seat. I understand all of the good reasons for me to trade seats, and you don’t need to explain them.”

That said, if it won’t put you out, there’s no harm in trading seats, either.

Dealing With Offensive Passengers

What if a Passenger’s Screen Is Showing Something Offensive?

Many of us have been here: You’ve sat down and gotten comfortable, put on your headphones and pulled out your dog-eared copy of Proust or queued up an episode of “Downton Abbey,” only to realize your seatmate is loudly guffawing and slapping his knee to truly abhorrent, socially unacceptable material: an Adam Sandler movie.

OK, OK, jokes aside, there are a few factors to consider, including the fact that what you may consider offensive isn’t necessarily what most other people would find to be crossing a line.

“When it’s just me, I say, ‘You do yourself, keep your eyes to yourself,'” Senning says.

But if it’s truly objectionable material (not just something that’s not to your taste) and your child can see the screen, the line “starts to move a little bit,” says Senning. You may need to — politely, of course — address the issue directly and politely with the seatmate.

“I would approach from the frame of a request,” says Senning. For example: “Hi, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my daughter is watching everything that’s going on on your screen. Could you point it away or watch something else?”

They may say no, and you’ll probably still want to shield your child from the offensive content. You can’t blindfold your kid, of course, so Senning’s advice in this case is to avoid confronting the stubborn seatmate and instead take it up with the people on board who are trained and in a position of authority to resolve the matter: the flight attendants.

Hot Tip:

“If there’s anything where your or someone else’s safety is involved, you look for someone else who has standing to address things,” Senning says. “In this case, it’s the flight attendants. That’s what they’re there for, and they’re well-equipped to deal with these situations.”

If the content the obstinate seatmate is watching is especially awful, such as watching pornography on a device next to your kid, that’s when you call the flight attendant. They can reseat you or the offending seatmate or make the seatmate change what they’re watching or put away their device.

Should You Question Whether a Service Animal Is Really a Service Animal?

With many people traveling with emotional support and service animals, it’s easy to wonder whether every dog in a vest is trained for a job, especially if they act more like a pet than a professional.

Senning says appearances can be deceiving, and it’s not your place to judge.

“You don’t know what a person is dealing with,” he says. “It might’ve been a trauma, or they might’ve survived a plane crash, and this animal is the only thing getting them to a wedding or a funeral.”

If you’re uncomfortable or have concerns about a dog’s behavior, contact the airline, and don’t underestimate the power of your feedback. But don’t get angry about someone’s service animal, and don’t take it out on the people around you, says Senning.

“The airline feedback form is the most productive use of that critical eye of yours,” he says.

What Do I Do About a Chatty Seatmate Who Won’t Stop Talking?

As thrilling as the ins and outs of the 1995 reconsolidation of the Illinois property-insurance statutes are, it doesn’t mean you have to submit to your seatmate’s minute-by-minute recounting of the state legislative records for your 6-hour flight. The question, of course, is the right way to shut down the monologue without making a lifelong enemy.

“Magic words are magic,” Senning says. “Almost anything that follows the words ‘excuse me’ or ‘pardon me’ is going to be OK. My advice is to say something like, ‘Pardon me, I’m going to excuse myself from the conversation. I’ve been looking forward to quiet time without my kids.’ Or just say, ‘I need to get some work done.’ Most people are going to respect that. No need to dissemble or lie.”

Of course, sometimes a chatty Cathy will not be deterred. In these cases, Senning suggests giving them a task.

“If they come back and talk to you, double down: ‘Sorry, I’m really going to try to get a nap in. Can you let me know if we’re going to land soon?'” Senning says. “I think that’s nervous energy from the other person, who is clearly sort of confused or anxious. So giving them something to do and setting down when they can talk to you and the method of engagement, does help.”

How Do You Handle a Snorer on an Airplane or in a Lounge?

It’s not the snorer’s fault, but their ZZZs are keeping you from your own. This is where you get the flight attendants or lounge servers to handle the situation.

“Flight attendants, absolutely,” Senning says.

My Seatmate, Whom I Don’t Know, Has Fallen Asleep on Me. Do I Have To Be His Pillow Until He Wakes Up?

Of course not.

“If changing your position or removing their arm or head is enough without waking them, you can do that,” Senning says. “If you do need to wake someone up, I would try a gentle touch on a forearm, soft tone of voice, an ‘excuse me,’ ‘pardon me.’ If they’ve collapsed on you, you can get out from under them.”

Of course, this is another situation in which, if necessary, you can get the flight attendants to do the work for you unless you have forewarning from the seatmate.

“If they’ve said something like, ‘Hey, I’m exhausted and if I slump on you or my leg wanders into your area, don’t worry about waking me up,'” Senning says, then you have a free pass to do just that.

The Guy Behind Me Is Sticking His Feet Through the Seats Onto My Armrest. What Do I Do?

Etiquette does not demand that you accede to becoming a stranger’s footrest.

“If someone has their feet through the seats from behind you, that’s not OK,” Senning says. “You can ask them to stop that.”

Flip-Flops on a Plane? Tank Tops on a Plane? Pajamas on a Plane? Sports Bras on a Plane?

Everyone has their own travel style, but it’s not your job to police it if someone boards in an outfit you’d never dream of wearing. Sure, a fashion offense might make your eye twitch, but judging passenger fashion choices won’t make your flight smoother.

“I wouldn’t comment on what other people are wearing,” Senning says.

That said, you can always step up your own game when you fly.

“It’s always easier to manage yourself than others,” he says. “I like the idea of dressing up a notch, as it puts me in the space of mind of not just getting by. I dress for travel like I dress for work, and I find that I get good responses from people.”

You and Your Space

When Should You Recline Your Seat?

Once you’re at cruising altitude and the airplane captain dings off the seatbelt sign, you have the right to recline your seat. But you also need to not be a jerk about it. Consider whether you need to recline your seat and what kind of flight you’re on.

“The amount of space in back of plane seats has gotten smaller and smaller and smaller,” Senning says. “I would say it’s a courtesy to the person behind you not to recline your seat.”

That said, there’s a big difference between staying upright on a 30-minute commuter flight and a 20-hour sky odyssey to East Asia.

“On a good red-eye, there’s a consensus time, when they’ve handed out the blankets and masks and dimmed the lights,” Senning says. “That’s a natural time where everyone reclines together.”

Is It OK To Take a Baby With You on Business or First Class?

Babies on planes: Love ’em or hate ’em, when an infant is having a bad time on a flight, everyone gets to share in the fun. So, is it all right to bring a baby into first class or the business cabin?

“Absolutely, if you’ve paid for the ticket,” Senning says.

As any parent knows, babies will be babies, and sometimes that includes kicking up a major fuss. And despite the glares of the less sympathetic, presumably childless people around you, a crying baby doesn’t necessarily make you a bad parent.

“You do your level best, and if you’ve done that, then you’re OK to ignore the dagger stares,” Senning says.

If you’re doing your best to take care of your baby, trying to be as unobstructive as possible to the other passengers, and not seeking out confrontations with the complainers, keep on. If things get heated, though, get the help of a flight attendant.

“I’m sympathetic to both. I used to be the frequent business traveler who didn’t have kids and whose eyes rolled to the back of his head when babies started crying, and now I’m the family of 5,” Senning says. “My Pollyanna advice is you can always offer your sympathies — remember, the parent is no happier to be in the situation than you are.”

Hot Tip:

When traveling with kids, “headphones are an absolute must,” Senning says. He also says it’s OK to lift the usual restrictions on screen time. For more tips on flying with kids, read our guide.

Some Guy From a Points-and-Miles Website Took a Photo of the Plane I Was In. What Do I Do?

Cell phones have become ubiquitous, and so have the cameras that almost all cell phones now include. And that has meant that the line between private and public has deteriorated to the point that many people can’t tell the difference anymore. So, set your expectations for privacy low when you travel.

“If they’re filming you directly, you could ask them to stop,” Senning says. “I think it’d be hard to challenge someone filming something else.”

As always, gentle and polite words will almost always get a better response than aggressiveness or accusatory tones.

If the filming or photographing continues to disturb you or becomes confrontational, get someone with authority to address the situation: the flight attendants.

On the other hand, if you’re the person taking photos, try to be mindful of the people around you and respect their privacy.

“My advice to someone with a phone in their hand is to think very carefully about taking pictures in public spaces, and even more so about sharing them,” Senning says.

Is It Rude To Take Smelly Food on a Plane?

“Yes, it’s rude,” Senning says. “It’s an absolute courtesy to think about how what you bring aboard impacts the smell in tight, controlled spaces.”

Foods that Senning recommends thinking twice about are Italian submarine sandwiches, bananas (yes, a lot of people gag at the smell of overripe bananas!), anything with lots of onions or garlic, and anything that will toss out a lot of crumbs as you eat it or be otherwise messy. (“Chicken wings are a total disaster,” he says.)

Generally safe foods include: fruit (besides bananas), crackers, cheese, granola, and single-serving packets.

If someone else has brought stinky food on the plane near you, you can’t exactly ask them to leave the plane and toss it out, but you might be able to ask (nicely!) for them to minimize the odor, depending on the circumstances.

“Don’t accuse them or blame them, but ask them to put the lid back on the tuna salad after they’ve eaten it,” he says. “But remember that someone might’ve just dropped $35 on that burger that’s stinking up the aisle. That perspective might help bring some understanding to your awareness, even if it can’t make the odor go away.”

Is Using a First Class or Business Class Bathroom OK if I’m in Coach?

Sometimes, the line for the coach class toilet is long, or the bathroom is in bad shape. Using the first class or business class bathroom can be situational, Senning says.

“If you’ve been asked not to, I would use the bathroom I’ve been assigned,” Senning says. “But there are definitely times where the bathroom at the front of the plane is actually not exclusively for first class. If you have any question about it, ask the flight attendant or gate agent. Just because they’ve drawn the curtain doesn’t always mean the bathroom’s verboten.”

Is It OK To Take Your Shoes and Socks off on a Plane?

Yes, you can take off your footwear. There is, however, a line where something goes from being a personal fashion choice to something that affects other people through smell or even potential shared infections of the fungal or other kind. In other words, your fashion is your own, but when it becomes a sanitary issue — like if you have toenail fungus or your feet would drip sweat everywhere — then it becomes everyone’s problem.

“Flip-flops are all right. Taking off your sneakers and socks is not,” Senning says. “It’s not about seeing your toes, it’s about your sweaty foot on the plane.”

Is It OK To Clip My Nails or Trim My Nose Hair on a Flight?

“Absolutely no grooming on a plane,” Senning says.

When I’m Passing Seatmates To Get to the Aisle, Do I Show Them My Crotch or My Butt?

To quote “Fight Club:” “A question of etiquette: As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?”

In the old days, a definite answer to this revolved around respecting the professionals you’d come to see. Nowadays, it’s up for grabs.

“In a theater, you keep your face forward, facing the performers on stage,” Senning says. “On a plane, there is no performance, so you can face backward.”

He says facing backward and giving your seatmates a crotch view of your body has an added benefit: You can “hold the back of your own seat for balance, so you don’t need to grab the back of the seat in front of you.”

And, to alleviate the idea of your seatmates getting to know you at groin level, you can always just warn them.

“It’s nice to let people know you need to get up,” he says. “Most will stand to let you out or at least swing their legs to the side and out of your way.”

Finishing the Flight

What’s the Right Way To Disembark From a Plane?

There’s no ifs or buts about it: It’s not OK to rush up the aisles and clog up the plane to try to get out the door a few seconds ahead of other passengers.

“The official policy for deboarding is front to back, and that’s the way it should go,” says Senning. He says deboarding is a system, and it works most smoothly when people participate in the system.

“The people who always stand up trying to depart their rows and get in front of the ones in front of you? This is an official Emily Post ruling: That is not OK.,” he says.

How Do You Handle a Tight Layover?

If you’re stuck in the back and your connection is tight, polite words are your best tool.

“You can ask people nicely, and maybe that’ll help you get ahead 2 or 3 rows,” Senning says. “It’s all about how you ask.”

If you’re not worried about a connecting flight but someone behind you is trying to make their tight connection, remember when you’ve been in the same situation and that you may be again in the future. Get out of their way and wish them the best of luck, because one day that could be you.

“Do your best to help those people out,” he says.

Should You Tip Your Flight Attendant?

No matter what class you’re flying in, a great flight attendant distinguishes between a mediocre and a fantastic flight experience. So, is it considered acceptable to show your appreciation with a gratuity?

Keep your wallet in your pocket, but be generous with the kind words, Senning advises.

“You don’t tip your flight attendant,” he says. “There are some remarkable flight attendants, so support them by telling them what a great job they did. Don’t undervalue the power of your words, so make eye contact, smile, and tell them how much you appreciate their effort.”

It’s also worth noting that airlines pay attention to the comments passengers send them about their flight experiences, and complimenting a crew member by name in a message to the airline could give a nice little boost to that attendant’s career.

Hot Tip:

A friend who works as a flight attendant on a major U.S. airline says that though the airline forbids them from accepting gratuities, some have been known to receive tips (usually $20 or $50) on the sly. More common, however, are passengers handing them candy or gift cards (often $5 Starbucks cards).

Should You Tip Your Lounge Server?

Let’s leave the airplane for a minute and enter the lounge. What do you do about lounge servers, especially those who’ve been attentive and helpful during your visit?

According to Senning, this is a newer and especially nebulous area regarding correct etiquette, and that lounge servers walk right up to the edge of where you’d tip. He recommends asking a manager or the servers whether they can accept a tip, and says it’s OK to ask in that situation.

“In general, I’d be thinking of it as European-style: Tip if the service was really exceptional, giving them a little something inspired by that level of service, if it’s coming from a genuine place,” he says.

The tip should be enough for it to be considered nice and thoughtful. “I wouldn’t leave loose change,” he says.

That said, always remember the cultural context. In many countries outside the U.S., leaving a tip is considered insulting.

Final Thoughts

We all know that etiquette is perhaps most strained in the cramped quarters of an airplane. Still, it can be a powerful tool for avoiding a potentially trip-ending blowout and getting the most positive results from interactions with strangers.

Keep your cool, think about the other person’s point of view, use kind words, and accept compromise, and you’ll get through 99% of your fraught social dealings with your fellow passengers. And for that final 1%, call in the flight attendants.

Learn to accept that even if you’re practicing good etiquette yourself, others won’t. What may work for you may not work for others — and that’s OK. Compromise is at the heart of etiquette.

“These are suggestions, and it’s up to you whether you follow them,” Senning says. “Not everyone does it, and there’s room for distinction in a world that’s increasingly casual, quick, and where it’s sometimes difficult to set yourself apart.”