Flying as a Family? Here’s How We Sit Together Every Time

Having a child has changed the way I travel in many ways. One of these is making sure my family can all sit together on an airplane.

Before, getting separated from my partner on a flight was inconvenient but survivable. Now, it throws me into a panic to think my 4-year-old could end up sitting next to some random person if I don’t do my due diligence (and possibly fork over additional cash for seats) when booking a flight.

This may seem like a bit of a process, but ending up with the best seats on the plane (well, the best seats in economy, in almost all cases) with my husband and son next to me makes traveling as a family much smoother. This is the process I go through to ensure I’m almost always seated with my family and how I pick the best seats.

Do Airlines Guarantee Family Seating?

In 2024, the Biden administration proposed a ban on airlines making families pay extra to sit together. If it passes, airlines would be required to seat families with young children together (when available) without charging extra. This ban is still up in the air, so it’s unclear whether or not it will happen, but it would certainly be beneficial to families.

1. Review Family Seating Policies

The U.S. Department of Transportation’s Airline Family Seating Dashboard says that it “encourages all airlines to guarantee that young children are seated adjacent to an accompanying adult without charging any additional fee.”

However, below you can see that out of all the major U.S. airlines, only Alaska, American, Frontier, Hawaiian, and JetBlue guarantee adjacent seats at no additional cost for children 13 or under and an accompanying adult for all fare types.

This dashboard is an excellent place to start if you want to find an airline with a more family-friendly seating policy. Since I’m usually a Oneworld flyer, I clicked through for a reminder of American Airlines’ policy.

In theory, AA’s policy means I should be seated next to my son, who is 4, even if I book a basic economy fare. However, I can do a few things on my end so that we sit together, although this is never a guarantee. As the policy mentions, if the aircraft changes, then it may not work out.

Bottom Line:

I always read the family seating policy for whatever airline I’m flying with to understand what to expect and what steps I should take to sit with my family.

2. Book in Advance

Booking as far in advance as possible maximizes the possibility that there are enough free seats on the aircraft for us to all sit together. In my situation, a row of 3 is perfect, making sitting together a simple and likely possibility on domestic flights on popular aircraft like the Boeing 737 or the A320.

The larger your family, the further in advance you should book. If you’re a family of 4 or 5, booking in advance is even more important, as you need to maximize your chances of being seated in 2 rows next to each other (or one behind the other). Hopefully, they’ll be rows close together.

3. Book on a Single Reservation

Booking all 3 of us on a single reservation is key if I really want us all to be seated together, especially on longer flights. As American’s policy specifies, the airline only takes steps to see you together if you’re all on the same reservation. You can’t expect an airline to know who your family members are and seat you together are if you’re booked on different reservations, even if you share the same last name.

If I need to book 1 ticket using frequent flyer miles and the other using cash, or other situations where booking my family on 2 different reservations is a possibility, I always pay for seats. If I’m booking separately, it’s usually because I’m able to save money (e.g., using my miles for 1 ticket and my husband’s miles for the others), so paying for seats is worth it.

4. Book Directly

For general ease, I prefer to book flights directly via the airline. However, there are instances where I might book flights in a credit card travel portal or via a third party. If this is the case, I always contact the airline directly to confirm any seat selections and make sure everything about my reservation, especially the seats, is in order.

5. Avoid Basic Economy

In most cases, my family flies economy, but I try to avoid purchasing fare classes (usually basic economy) that don’t allow me to select seats when booking, regardless of whether the airline has a family-friendly seating policy or not.

For example, Delta’s basic economy fares don’t assign seats until after check-in, or in some cases, until we get to the gate. For me, that’s leaving too much to chance when flying with my family, and I’d rather not risk it.

6. Hold Elite Status

Having elite status with an airline you fly most often can pay off.

At the moment, I hold American Airlines Gold status, and my husband holds Gold status with Iberia. I’m able to reserve complimentary preferred seats at booking when flying American (for myself and up to 8 passengers traveling with me in the same reservation), and he’s able to reserve complimentary seats when we fly on Iberia. This makes it easier to ensure we all sit together and get to pick our seats, which allows me some flexibility in sitting in an area of the plane that works best for our family.

Hot Tip:

Many co-branded airline credit cards allow you to accrue elite-qualifying points or miles, which can help you reach elite status faster, including the Southwest Rapid Rewards^® Priority Credit Card and The New United Quest℠ Card.

6. View the Seating Map

The plane’s layout can make all the difference when it comes to sitting with my family. When flying an aircraft like a 737 or an A320 with a 3-3 layout, I often won’t pay to select seats on an airline that guarantees family seating, mainly because if I’ve booked my family of 3 on the same reservation, it’s likely we’ll all be sitting together in the same row anyway.

However, if it’s a really busy flying time, like peak summer or around the holidays, I might consider it. Why? Because there are a lot of full flights, weather delays, and general travel chaos happening, and if there’s a last-minute aircraft switch, we’re bumped to a new flight, or we miss our connecting flight, we might have more luck sitting together if I can prove I paid for seats or had previously selected them with us all sitting together.

While I can often see the aircraft layout when I book, I use websites like Aerolopa, Seatguru, and Seatmaps to read about which seats might not have full recline, may be missing a window, or are near the lavatory.

7. Get Strategic About What’s Best for My Family

If I am able to select seats, I always pick a row of 3 near the front of smaller aircraft. I use the websites mentioned above to ensure the row I’m picking isn’t too close to the bathroom, has a window, and has seats that offer full recline. I also try, in some cases, to pick the row over the wing, an area of the plane where some experts say you feel less turbulence.

If I’m flying a wide-body jet, I still avoid the middle rows and pick the sides, even if there are only 2 seats. The strategy I’m most likely to use for my family (after much trial and error) is for an adult to sit in the bulkhead and the other adult to sit in the aisle seat of the row behind, with my son in the window seat next to the second adult. This way, I can switch back and forth with my husband so we each get opportunities for extra legroom.

On the other hand, some families prefer to sit in the back, where there may be additional empty seats so they might have more space. Others prefer the middle rows on wide-body jets, which often have 3 or 4 seats and can accommodate families in a single row. Based on your family’s dynamic, size, travel style, and the tips you find on seat maps, you can test out different areas of the plane to figure out the best fit for your family.

Seating strategies evolve as my family does, so this is an ever-changing plan that I’m always evaluating.

8. Check In on Time (And Get to the Airport Early)

I set an alarm on my phone so I can check in for my flight as soon as it opens. This way, I have better odds of getting 3 seats assigned together. If, for some reason, my seats aren’t assigned at check-in, I get to the airport early to make sure I can talk to someone who can hopefully help.

9. Pay To Reserve Seats, If Necessary

If I’m flying an airline that doesn’t guarantee family seating, I often pay for my family to sit together, especially on a low-cost carrier.

Regardless of their policies, I really don’t trust Ryanair or Spirit to seat me with my son. Plus, if I’ve already managed to save money on plane tickets by using points and miles (especially if we’re not all on the same reservation), a small cash payment is less important to me than ensuring a calm and stress-free flight.

Money well spent, I’d say.

What I Do if Our Seats Don’t End Up Together

As I mentioned before, I’ve had a few experiences where I’ve actually paid to select my seats, yet, for one reason or another, I wasn’t seated with my family or those on my reservation. Whether it’s a last-minute aircraft change, overbooking, or something else, the key in these situations is to stay calm and focus on getting seated next to your travel companions.

You can reclaim your money later, but the problem at hand requires you to speak kindly and efficiently to airline check-in or gate staff, flight attendants, or other passengers.

Reminder: No one is obligated to swap seats with you. Don’t get angry if another passenger won’t agree to a swap. Try to figure out another way. In my experience, thanks to the kindness and graciousness of other passengers, I’ve always ended up sitting next to my family. I mean, who would honestly prefer to sit next to someone else’s 4-year-old than swap a seat? No thanks!

Giving Up Seats: It Stinks but May Work Out in Your Favor

For those of you out there who refuse to give up your seat (especially if you’ve paid for it), I see you and I support you! This is 100% your choice to make. I’ve given up my seat a couple of times, and there have been situations where I haven’t. I understand not wanting to move from a coveted window seat up front that you’ve paid for and be exiled to a middle seat in the back.

However, I’ve seen passengers get upgraded to first or business class after giving up their seats so a family could sit together. I’ve also seen passengers get moved to better seats, closer to the front, to a window from a window or an aisle from a window, or to an exit row. I always see flight attendants bring free drinks and food to passengers who swapped their seats so a family could sit together.

It’s true that some families could have done the research and legwork to sit together but didn’t. And it’s frustrating to move just because someone didn’t do their due diligence on this. But in a lot of cases, a family did pay extra or take the steps to sit together but it didn’t work out because of airline messiness or circumstances beyond the family’s control. If changing isn’t that big of a deal (e.g., an aisle for an aisle seat a couple of rows back), do it. It’s good travel karma, I promise.

Final Thoughts

You’ve all heard the stories about airlines separating parents from families and sticking sobbing or badly behaved children in middle seats between 2 strangers. You may or may not have made certain judgments about this, thinking parents should have paid to sit together, feeling sorry for the families (or the strangers), or deciding that airlines are crazy for not letting families sit together for free (or perhaps a mix of all of the above).

But even if you pay for your entire family to sit together, you’re at the mercy of the airline when it comes to seating. Things like last-minute aircraft changes or overbooking can render your seat reservations useless. Both of these situations have happened to me, with airline check-in staff telling me I could request a refund for the money I paid to select seats.

Luckily, thanks to the kindness of hard-working flight attendants and generous passengers, I ended up sitting next to my 4-year-old both times this has happened to me.

Situations like the one I just described are infrequent, but they do happen. What happens more frequently is that frazzled, busy parents may not know their rights, be aware of the airline’s policies, or know what steps to take to ensure their entire family can sit comfortably together.